STORY — In a world where everything seems to be changing, it can be comforting to know that some things never do.
To celebrate April Fool’s Day, as it has for the past 20 years, Story Inn has elected a new Village Idiot.
This year’s accolades are bestowed to an Indianapolis native and comedian at the Story Inn’s comedy shows, Patrick Murray.
Story Inn explains:
“Upon hearing of the open bar tab and complimentary overnight accommodation for comedians, Patrick eagerly chose the 10 percent ABV double IPA. By the end of the cold winter night, keg empty and tavern closed, Patrick lost his way to his overnight cottage and eventually returned to the illuminated steps of the front of the inn. Wearing just a T-shirt and playing ukulele to stay warm, Patrick was rescued by a neighbor out for a morning walk at 5 a.m. The neighbor (also a candidate for county commissioner) identified the cottage based on description and pointed Patrick in the right direction.
“Returning for another comedy show, Patrick believed the open bar tab and complimentary overnight accommodation also applied to friends. Following the sold-out show, Patrick invited company who had not been able to attend the comedic event to enjoy another late night. The $400 bar tab included eight meals, dozens of craft IPAs, mixed drinks, shots, popular seltzers and snacks, necessitating evaluation of whether to limit food and beverage consumption offered to future talent. While this time, Patrick was able to lead the party back to the room, a member of the group was unable to locate the bathroom and urinated on the bed.”
Murray will receive a $100 bar tab in recognition of his accomplishments and will hold the title of Story Village Idiot until March 31, 2021.
The village of Story, founded in 1851, now has a population of 3. It has no government, but each March, “town elders” (tavern regulars) confer to elect a Village Idiot. The only requirement for voting or being elected is that at some point in your life, you must have been a customer, said bartender Ann Johnson.
“We have more idiots here than anywhere else in America, with the possible exception of Washington, D.C.,” said Rich Hofstetter, the Story Inn’s co-owner and town’s employer.
Murray captures “Idiot” honors from “Calamity Stan” Smith for burning down his own home. Last year, Smith famously started a load of laundry before accompanying his wife to a mall. He returned a few hours later to witness a blaze consuming their home. The local fire marshal quickly ascertained a clogged lint trap to be the cause. “I guess I never cleaned it out,” he said at the time.
Murray’s victory was by no means guaranteed. Thoughtful consideration was also given to:
- JC and Nebo Nick, two friends who got into a tussle. When push came to shove, the two wrestled, rolling around in horse manure.
- Bartender Ann Johnson, who won an antique door on an auction site for $1, only to discover in the fine print that pick-up would be necessary in Cincinnati that Sunday. Not to be discouraged by the 100-mile trek, Ann asked a friend to drive in a more reliable pickup truck. The two eventually got lost and missed an entire day of work, but returned safely with door intact.
- Longtime employee Stephanie Shelton. She asked if paychecks were ready, prompting the shift manager to begin frantically looking around the restaurant for them. Shelton later remembered that she had signed to receive the package a day earlier and had placed the checks safely at the front desk.
- Former “Idiot” Lou Melillo. He asked “Calamity Stan” to drive his family to the airport. While Melillo and his family were away, Stan detailed Melillo’s old red Dodge Caravan. Stan picked up the family in the van and asked if Melillo would like to drive. Melillo instead got into the passenger seat, taking several minutes to realize he was riding in his own van.
- A corporate cell phone company for canceling service for their 3G network. The spotty coverage locals had been enjoying became disabled in the opening days of the COVID-19 national emergency.
- Ian Staley, who purchased a plane ticket to attend the Indiana Wine Fair on May 2 despite the international pandemic. (The event has been rescheduled to Aug. 8.) With knowledge of the travel advisory and possibility of the event being rescheduled, Staley claimed, “I’ve wanted to come to the wine fair for over a decade, and it’s still a good enough price to visit Story anyway.”
Co-owner Rich Hofstetter also received a nomination. During a busy fall weekend, Story Inn management recognized the restaurant’s ice machine did not have the capacity to also supply a large wedding at the barn. Hofstetter asked his sister to take his car to Nashville to get more ice. She returned, but neither of them thought to bring the ice to the event, which melted in his BMW.
