By ABIGAIL YOUMANS, Democrat reporter

Most little girls dream of their wedding day. They imagine the dress they’ll wear, if it will be outside, who will be there, what kind of flowers. But when a future bride finds “the one,” that’s when the planning really begins.

Brides and grooms across the world have had to put their big days on hold due to COVID-19. There’s even a term for a person in this situation: “coronabride” and “coronagroom.”

It’s daunting and disappointing, having something you’ve long awaited be turned completely upside down.

As a “coronabride” myself, I know this rollercoaster of emotions all too well.

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Scott and I fell in love over the summer. Our first date was a one-way flight to Florida to drive his new car back to Brown County. We flew down “just friends” and came back a couple, knowing someday soon we’d be married. We found that what they say is true: When you know, you know.

We got engaged in early December at my family’s lake. Then, the real-life wedding planning began. No longer were images of beautiful arbors, cream soda bars and photo booths going to remain in my daydreams and on my Pinterest boards. They’d be a part of our celebration.

Wanting a shorter engagement, we picked March 20 as our date. Realizing our videographer was going to be out of town that weekend for another wedding, we chose the following Friday, March 27.

Wedding planning became pretty overwhelming pretty quickly, and things that I had thought were important before didn’t really matter to me anymore. A lot of small details started to add up, like what kind of jewelry the bridesmaids would wear, or if the boutonnieres for groomsmen should be different than the ones for grandfathers.

In the midst of the planning, we remembered what was most important at the end of the day: We were getting married.

We couldn’t wait to celebrate with our people, with many family and friends coming from out of state.

The most overwhelming choice came when headlines grew consumed with COVID-19. It had seemed far away at first, then as cases of the virus rose in the U.S., travel and gathering restrictions started being mandated.

Two weeks before our wedding, our venue in Columbus called, urging us to postpone. With a guest list exceeding the 250-person gathering limit that President Trump had announced the day before, the venue wasn’t comfortable hosting the event. The venue manager was afraid staffing would be an issue, as employees were possibly hesitant to serve at events.

People traveling from out of state began to mark themselves as “regrets” on our wedding website. Restrictions became tighter: no more than 250 people, then no more than 200, then fewer than 50. We’d invested so much time, money and emotions in preparation for our big day and we were now holding off on the choice to move to a different and much farther out date.

In a time of crisis, people are made aware of what truly matters most. My mother asked me as I wept, “What’s most important to you? What do you want?”

“I want to get married,” I said.

My groom’s family and groomsmen were coming from Florida and our officiant from New Mexico, so we watched the status of the flights, until ultimately they were canceled. Governor Holcomb then put restrictions on gatherings of more than 10 people and encouraged a social distance of six feet.

That pretty much decided for us that no, our wedding was not happening on March 27.

Stay-at-home orders were now issued. I still lived at home with my parents, and Scott had moved into our future home. With restrictions growing, he and I decided: If we were going to be quarantined, we were going to be quarantined together.

On March 16 we picked a new date, March 20, and the planning began — again. We picked our venue: The dam at my family’s lake, where Scott had asked me to marry him.

My father got ordained so he could perform the ceremony. My future brother-in-law played a keyboard that was powered by a silent generator. My bouquet and boutonnieres were made with flowers from Kroger. Our photographers traveled down from Michigan City because they still wanted to be a part of it, and our videographer’s plans changed, so he was able capture the ceremony to share with those who could not be there.

March 20 was cold, cloudy, windy and like nothing we had originally planned. But it was perfect.

Scott and I feared hurting people and letting them down in canceling, knowing that many were looking forward to our celebration and now could not be a part of it. Ultimately, support came from everyone, encouraging us to get married and we would all celebrate later. And we will, once the world finds its new normal again.

The Wilds

Scott and I were not alone in this situation at all. Couples across the world face the same decision, as well as wedding vendors.

A space full of light, The Wilds opened in 2018 and has been a center where couples can have their dream day.

The owners, the Faulkners, count themselves fortunate that couples with dates set until May have all rescheduled, as opposed to canceled.

When faced with these decisions, Alison Faulkner said couples have navigated with grace.

“It’s tough,” she said.

“Everyone has a special journey. We’re just trying to make sure that we’re independently tackling what’s right for their families and guests.”

She wants her clients in distress to feel free to reach out to her. “We try to always be connected,” she said. “We’re trying to be very sensitive to people who are displaced, just being available to people.”

The Faulkners also are finding a new normal, owning an events business and raising two children who are now being schooled at home, now that schools are closed. She sees this as an opportunity to be adaptable and flexible.

One thing they’ve been working on is a full virtual tour of their property. It was an item further back on their to-do list, but they now see it moving its way to the front. “We bring in clients from all over the globe,” Faulkner said. “We have a tool useful for quarantine, but equally as useful for clients that aren’t from around here.”

The hardest part of this, they find, is the uncertainty, but she also sees this as an opportunity for community in the wedding industry. “We’re trying to realize that it’s not really about the venue,” she said.

“It’s not about us, it’s about the couple first, and the community of vendors.”

To Faulkner, it’s imperative that vendors share victories and not just disappointments. “If we could re-frame what’s going on in a way that helps priorities float to the top,” Faulkner said, “this could be viewed as an opportunity to come out the other side more educated and innovative.”

Vendors taking the higher ground are going to succeed even through this pandemic, she said. For instance, Bloomington bakery Icing on the Cake will drop off birthday cakes within a 20-mile radius. Creative in Bloom is doing a digital reschedule invite. “There are great examples of people thriving in this time,” she said.

“Community” is what Faulkner said is her spring focus word. “It takes a village to plan a wedding,” she said. “It’s really important that the vendors and people in the wedding industry stay communicative and reach out to each other.”

“It’s a healthier way to spend time right now,” she said, “fostering an environment of community over competition.”

Not alone

It’s a trying and unpredictable time, for everyone, all over the world. In facing the disappointment of postponing our wedding celebration, reminding ourselves that many couples had to make the same decision brought some perspective for us.

One couple from Morgantown and Trafalgar got married in downtown Nashville last week, not wanting to change their special date. They had also felt like their dream day couldn’t happen the way they wanted it, but they made the most of the situation, understanding that everything happens for a reason.

I’m also a senior at IUPUC who has looked forward to graduation in May, and now will have commencement in my living room, as will many other high school, undergrad and graduate students, until school ceremonies are rescheduled. I might even have my husband play “Pomp and Circumstance” through a Bluetooth speaker.

Things sometimes don’t go as planned and are beyond our control — and that’s okay. Knowing that we’re not alone in this can help us overcome disappointments, be they monumental or minute.

We are going to come out on the other side much stronger than before.

Abigail Youmans is the news and advertising coordinator at the Brown County Democrat. She can be reached at 812-988-2221 or [email protected].