STORY — A craft beer and wine salesman has been elected to the highest (and only) office in Story: Village Idiot.
This year’s Idiot accolade falls to Brad Brookbank, who works for 450 North Brewery/Simmons Winery in Columbus.
For three years, Brookbank has been presenting Simmons’ wines at the Indiana Wine Fair, which takes place at the Story Inn each spring.
After loading a trailer with product, Brookbank hitched it to his truck, not paying attention to the fact that it had the wrong size ball hitch. The trailer detached itself from the truck when Brookbank reached cruising speed on I-65, careening into a ditch.
[sc:text-divider text-divider-title=”Story continues below gallery” ]There were no injuries, but a total loss of product, and some hard questions from the Indiana State Police. “We had several cases of our Merlot in that trailer,” Brookbank said, ruefully.
The “town elders” AKA Story Inn tavern regulars, confer to elect a “Village Idiot each year. Balloting consists of submissions to the tavern’s bartender, Ann Johnson.
“We have only one requirement for voting for, and being elected to, this esteemed position: At some point in your life, you must be a customer here” she said.
Brookbank also has been an occasional presenter at beer dinners hosted by the Story Inn. After one such gathering, he retired to one of the Story Inn’s cottages, where he decided to draw a hot bath. Discovering that the tub was not equipped with jets, he decided to improvise, by emptying a fire extinguisher into the tub.
“I thought it was just air in those things,” he said, upon being confronted with a remarkable mess.
While attempting to find parking near his cottage at the inn, Brookbank also drove his car down a foot path and nearly into a creek. The next morning, he discovered the error of his ways, but could not locate his car keys. He eventually found them, under the vehicle. He was three hours late for work that day.
On another visit to Story, Brookbank concocted a practical joke for some friends staying in another cottage, which had a hot tub. He hopped a privacy fence to steal the woman’s bathing suit, only to discover that the people staying there were strangers, and not a bit amused.
Brookbank also celebrated New Year’s Eve at the Story Inn. At midnight, he joined patrons in front of the inn who were setting off large rockets. For reasons unknown, Brad reclined on the sidewalk, placed the stem of the rocket in his mouth, and lit it with a cigarette. The shower of sparks ignited his facial hair.
“This is the kind of stuff you see at fraternity parties,” Johnson said.
Runners-up for Village Idiot included a local resident and tavern regular who allowed her pug to eat a diamond earring and successfully retrieved it from her back yard. She received a second nomination for owning a pug in the first place, the inn reported.
Story Inn co-owner Jacob received his first nomination ever, for spending five fruitless days in a tree stand during hunting season, possibly because he refused to turn off his cellphone.
Former Idiots Stan Smith and Lou Melillo combined forces in an apparent effort to re-make the movie “Dumb and Dumber,” the inn reported. They backed Stan’s truck to Stan’s house to move furniture and promptly got it stuck in the mud. Their efforts to extract the truck proved futile and they trashed Stan’s yard in the process. Then, Lou discovered that Stan had left the parking brake on.
Ricky Sawyer (Village Idiot 1999 for flipping a truck on its drive home from the dealership) received a nomination for dropping a pair of tongs into the Story Inn’s deep fryer, and then reaching for it. Remarkably, he suffered only minor injury.
Thomas Kennedy, formerly known as Thomas Doane (Idiot 2008, for falling asleep in the median of a public highway), received a nomination for legally taking his wife’s name (Kennedy), and then getting a divorce.
Rick Hofstetter (2006 Idiot for selling desiccated horse droppings) made a run for a second term by allowing his Toyota Prius to idle in the driveway for three days without noticing, possibly because he had allowed his dog to eat one of his hearing aids.
Brookbank captured Idiot honors from Brown County artist Brad Cox, who drained the engine oil and transmission fluid from his wife’s car and refilled the crankcase twice, leaving the transmission dry. When his wife called to report problems, he accused her of driving the car into a creek. The car sustained extensive engine and transmission damage.
Brookbank will receive a $100 gift certificate, which he likely will spend in the Story Inn’s Tavern. He will hold the title of Village Idiot until March 31, 2019.
