My Facebook feed is littered with chalk drawings, baking projects, pillow forts and Lego builds that all the work-from-home parents I know are now doing with their children. And if that weren’t enough, the internet spies have added advertisements for “home-school” materials to my screen.
Take my normal mom guilt, multiply it by five. That’s about what I’m feeling, and I know I’m not the only one.
I am not hanging out with my children. I am working, even more and even later than I already do. So are my fellow parents in law enforcement, public health, emergency services and other “essential” industries. Not even a pandemic can stop us, because the needs go on.
Meanwhile, my children are getting doozy doses of screen time. There are chore lists and a chart system to keep them on track, but come on; even when both parents are present and unscheduled, those measures don’t always play out the way we want them to.
I can only juggle so much right now.
On the night that Gov. Holcomb announced that school closures were extending to May 1, I emailed Superintendent Laura Hammack for some advice and reassurance.
“Some of us have to keep on working, and we are not able to keep our children constructively entertained and gainfully educated while ‘homeschooling,’ either because we can’t be with them or we can’t give much of our energy to them while also trying to work remotely,” I wrote.
“Are our children going to be falling behind if we don’t keep them engaged in some sort of school work for most or any of the time they’re off?” I asked Dr. Hammack.
Here’s her answer, which she encouraged me to share with other parents:
“1. Our children’s lives are overscheduled. Research is proving overwhelmingly that when adults schedule every moment of their children’s lives, children increasingly lack independence, agency, and self-regulation. Children and young adults need time to be children and young adults. When adults intervene too frequently and provide relentless ‘constructed’ activity, a learned helplessness is realized. Children and young adults lose the power to create their own experience.
“2. Boredom is a phenomenal thing for the brain. When I grew up and we were in trouble, my parents’ favorite strategy was to send us to our rooms. Our rooms didn’t have any sort of screen. I had a record player, books, and a desk to write or draw. I have vivid memories of being in my room performing entire Broadway shows, teaching class to my stuffed animals, writing stories at my desk, and losing hours lost in a book. Downtime is one of the most important things we can do for children/young adults to inspire creativity, innovation, and critical thinking skills. Have you ever seen this Ted Talk? It’s AMAZING and speaks truth to this sentiment:
“3. The power of wait time. Our children and young people have no idea what it means to wait for anything. Developing opportunities to delay gratification is proven to make experiences more meaningful, enjoyable, and memorable. It also helps with self regulation. In a world where everything is instant, nothing is really special. When parents are working right now, a visit to the park on a day when a parent is off means a LOT more than a visit to the park every single day. A special trip to carry out at the Chocolate Moose means so much more when it is once a week or once a month, than every day.
“4. Children are resilient. As a superintendent, it’s hard for me to say this, but our kids are going to be OK with a break from school. There have been interesting studies post-Hurricane Katrina where it has been evidenced that even with a significant break from instruction, students are performing where students prior to Katrina were performing. While I wish nothing more than being back in school like normal on Monday, it’s OK that we aren’t. It’s also OK if any sort of online learning we deploy doesn’t match with a district that has better broadband availability. Our kids are going to be OK. They are incredibly resilient. I am confident that our children and young adults are going to be just fine when we are on the other side of this virus.”
This was the reassurance I needed as a working parent. Even if all my children get from my husband or me during this time is food, a warm home, clean underwear (all other clothing optional), a thorough understanding of the entire “Star Wars” timeline, and extra snuggle time when requested, that’s enough. I’m enough. And we’re doing our best.
“Give yourself some grace,” Hammack added. “… Your children notice you working hard. A strong work ethic modeled by Mom is one of the more impactful life skills children will retain.
“If guilt sneaks its way in your brain, notice it, breathe through it, and let it fall away.”
