I’ve been in the business of people since I was 14, interacting on a daily basis with unique individuals in retail, food service, ministry and office settings.

No matter how one job varied from the last, I knew one thing to be true: Everyone is different. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a room with two, 20 or 200 people, odds are that each one has had a different life experience than you — one that has shaped who they are and how they interact with the world around them.

Recently, I was reminded that though we’re all different on quite a deep and foundational level, there are also core similarities that have the power to unify and bind us together.

Two weeks ago, I participated in a course the Brown County Health Department was able to offer through a grant from Smithville Charitable Foundation. The one-day, intensive seminar taught participants “Verbal Judo,” the mastery of communication by redirecting behavior with words.

Judo, a Japanese martial art, quite literally means “gentle way,” and focuses on the idea of redirection rather than resistance. The course is typically aimed at military personnel and law enforcement officers, and others who may find themselves in tense situations that could lead to potential violence.

The crowd that day, however, was a pretty diverse group of professionals: from dispatchers to librarians, reporters to state employees. Everyone there was ready to learn how to communicate and de-escalate situations effectively.

The speaker, Mike Siegfried, spent 26 years working as a full-time peace officer prior to becoming the COO of the Verbal Judo Institute. He’s a court recognized use-of-force expert and a published author in Police Magazine, the FBI National Academy Associate Magazine, Police Recruit Magazine and Campus Security Magazine.

The course material is usually taught over two days, but our group of 30 spent roughly seven hours absorbing a wealth of information we knew would help us feel more secure and confident in the interactions we have in our given workplaces and relationships. It was intense.

The goals of the course were simple: increase personal safety, enhance professionalism, decrease complaints and liability, lessen personal stress (both on the job and at home), increase morale and improve outcomes.

With the use of several different acronyms, videos, illustrations and crowd participation, Siegfried emphasized the importance of such topics as being a professional, understanding others, and five universal truths about people. We learned the anatomy of a verbal attack and how to handle verbal abuse. No one wants to find themselves in a situation like this, but we live in tumultuous, stressful times. It’s better to be prepared.

With verbal attacks, Siegfried said while one’s “professional” side may be what receives any sort of attack or abuse, the goal of the one “attacking” is to get you to perform your bias, to show your personal side. This can include attacks on your gender, physical attributes, age, religion, race, politics, education, sexual orientation, authority and more. You have to make a conscious effort to deflect what is said about you, redirect to the matter at hand, and be “ego-less.”

Professionalism, Siegfried said, is not how well someone does their job, but how other people view you. How do you carry yourself? With grace, compassion and reliability, or with impatience and rudeness? Or how do you communicate policy to people? Effectively and firmly, or wishy-washy and without understanding? The more you can leave your “personal” self (beliefs, opinions and the like) at home and bring your professional self to your job, communication is that much more effective. Egos must be laid aside.

You also have to know yourself and understand your own weaknesses. What are your triggers? How might a person attack you? And more importantly, how are you going to overcome and rise above?

Here we were discussing tense and potentially unsafe situations, but Siegfried said that in general, most everyone’s basic desire is to be treated with empathy, dignity and respect. The “premium for that policy,” he said? Your own ego.

I’m honestly still digesting everything we covered that day, but there was one thing that has been at the forefront of my mind since. It seemed like everything we talked about came back to the emphasis of treating people with empathy, being able to see the world through the eyes of someone unlike yourself, something that Siegfried said is the heartbeat and fundamental core of the Verbal Judo Institute.

Despite people having different backgrounds, and different communication methods being effective, one must understand the “five universal truths” about every person. When you focus on people’s similarities rather than their differences, it can help you understand how to interact with others.

First, all people want to be treated with kindness and respect. They want to be asked rather than being told to do something, and want to know why they’re doing it. People want to be given options rather than threats. And finally, all people want a second chance.

To further the impact of these truths, Siegfried said not only do people want to be treated with these principles in mind, but they deserve to be. Despite how challenging it is to carry this mindset, one must keep in mind the goal to not only to treat people well, but to ensure one’s own safety in a situation.

The interesting thing is, knowing and recognizing these truths in yourself when you’re on the receiving end of a difficult interaction, makes implementing them that much easier. I may not fully understand or sympathize with the life that someone else has lived, but I can empathize that we want to be treated the same.

Abigail Youmans is the news and advertising coordinator for the Brown County Democrat. She can be reached at 812-988-2221 or [email protected].