My Next Year’s Resolution
Every year I find solutions
to my New Year’s resolutions
ain’t the ones I thought they’d be
so I’m surprised by even me
that somehow with my special quirk
I still can’t get them things to work!
… so this year I resolved to try
to tell the truth and never lie
but when I put me to the test
I done found out like all the rest
that somewhere in my early youth
I learned that if I tell the truth
things that I might do or say
I shoulda resolved some other way!?
… so as I walked around our town
every tourist that I found
drove their cars upon our street
and on our sidewalks used their feet
and I decided on these facts
that we need us a Tourist Tax!
… I also thought in our defense
we need a wall or maybe fence
both high and wide and very stout
to keep them city tourists out
and only let the ones come in
with credit cards and free of sin
and in our wisdom and our pride
keep their Riffraff all outside!
And so I went to City Hall
and told my truth to one and all
and thought that they would be elated
at my ideas that I related
about the truth and all the facts
that we need us a Tourist Tax
and told them folks that that ain’t all
that we need us a Tourist Wall!
… but I admit that I could tell
they didn’t like it all that well
that them ideas that I made
would ruin all our tourist trade
and so they gently as they could
escorted me back to the wood
and said the issue was resolved
for the State done got involved
and said my truth was not the sort
to waste the time of any Court
and said them tourists had the right
to drive and shop both day and night
in our county and our town
no matter what the facts I found
so next year I resolve to try
to solve solutions with a lie!
— Gunther Flumm, Nashville
