Letter: Tongue-in-cheek suggestions for forestry groups

<strong>To the editor:</strong>

Is it true that the Indiana DNR and Purdue Forestry Departments’ Hardwood Ecosystem Experiment (HEE) here at Yellowwood State Forest — the much-ballyhooed 100-year examination and comparison of commonly used approaches to hardwood management — has hit a scientific and methodological snag?

As we all know, all scientific experiments are designed to produce information about cause and effect. Most scientific inquiries are designed with increasingly narrowing parameters and guidelines, as the continued inclusion of unwanted variables often skews the final study results. Apparently, since the initiation of this study, Forestry experts have been struggling to create predictable forest succession due to the continuing presence of a few stubborn variables that remain to be eliminated as an integral part of the continuing scientific study of forest health. It appears that: (1) incidental browse damage from deer must be factored out, and (2) the effects of several pesky invasive species and diseases that target just a few hardwood species must be negated in order to refocus on the true essence of good forest management.

I propose that tall plexiglass domes, similar to extra large greenhouses, be constructed over the management test plots to eliminate the deer predation and other unwanted variables. An entry air lock and decontamination room could be installed to prevent infection from our pesky Indiana tree diseases such as Sudden Oak Death and Thousand Cankers Walnut disease from inadvertently tweaking the study results.

Potent insecticides could be used periodically in the study area to eliminate incursions of our emerald ash borers, gypsy moths, walnut twig beetles, and Asian long-horned boring beetles. Invasive Indiana plants such as multiflora rose and bush honeysuckle could all could get treated with Roundup.

Because some of our hardwood tree-killing diseases, such as our Red Oak Wilt and Red Oak Rot, are passed by root-to-root transmission, all topsoil inside the domes should be isolated, pre-screened and sterilized.

Another small variable, rainwater-generated erosion of topsoil from past logging site disturbances, could also be eliminated by the protective domes.

The most vexing problem to date has been the inconsistent and variable effects of climate change. I suggest automatic water, light, climate and humidity control systems inside the domes that will mimic only weather from the year 2006, the date of the inception of this study. All four seasons and natural events such as dry periods and wet times during that exact year can be faithfully replicated.

Fortunately, what initially seems to be prohibitive local construction and labor costs for this study could be significantly offset by the use of free, Indiana-volunteered prison labor for material procurement and construction, as has been done in many other recent DNR Forestry projects.

I guarantee that if my suggestions are adopted, our great-grandchildren in the year 2106 will all be able to finally learn the true meaning of “fool’s errand.”

Thank you.

Your loyal subscriber,
<p style="text-align: right"><strong>Charlie Cole, Brown County</strong></p>
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